Spicy Hawaiian Wing Sauce

1 cup Pineapple Juice

1 cup Jalapeno Juice (get this from a can of Embasa canned jalapenos)

1 cup Water

½ cup diced Pineapple

½ cup sliced Jalapeno

½ cup diced Red Onion

½ cup dark Brown Sugar

¼ cup Red Wine Vinegar

¼ cup Red Pepper Flakes

2 tbls Butter

½ cup Corn Starch Rue (¼  cup CS to ¼ very hot water mixed well)

Melt butter down in a hot sauce pot.

Add onions and jalapeno and sauté till onions start to develop color.

Add sugar and vinegar and stir till sugar breaks down and it looks like chucky syrup.

Add all the juices and the water and bring to a boil.

Turn fire down to medium, add red pepper flakes and cook for 15 minutes.

Turn fire up and add CS Rue and stir continuously till sauce thickens.

Remove from heat, add pineapple chucks.

Serve!

Tips:

If sauce gets too thick just add water.

To make a more refined glaze, before adding rue, strain the sauce. Return to pot and add rue slowly over high heat till it thinkens.

Corn Bread Chowder

1 15oz can Corn (drained)

1 cup Milk (Cream can be used for a deeper chowder)

½ cup sugar

3 tbls butter

2 tsp Nutmeg

2 tsp Allspice

2 tsp Cinnamon

1 tsp Red Pepper Flake

1 tbls Rue (Rue is equal parts flour and butter cooked down)

In a sauté pan over medium heat add corn, sugar, butter and spices. Cook for about 5 minutes so the flavors come together.

Pour chowder base into a food processor or blender.

Pulse 10 times them set on high and add milk slowly.

Return chowder to sauté pan, add rue and whisk over medium heat for about 5 minutes.

Serve!

Spicy Italian Sausage Bruschetta w/ Chunky Tomato Chutney

This entire recipe can be bought at Albertson or Staer Bros for under $10.

1 French Baguette Roll Sliced on a bias ½ inch thick

8oz Romano cheese shreeded

2 Spicy Italian Sausages or about 12oz

3 Roma Tomatoes diced

1 Medium White Onion

3 Cloves of Garlic minced

1 Carrot diced

1 Stalk of Celery diced

1 tbls Dried Oregano

1 tbls Dried Parsley

1 tbls S&P

2 tbls White Sugar

Olive Oil

Preheat oven to 400.

In a hot skillet add oil, onions, carrots and celery. Toss over medium high heat till all vegi’s are soft, about 5-7 minutes.

Add tomatoes and dried herbs; continue to cook for 5 more minutes and set aside in a bowl.

Remove sausage from the skin and press in to very small patties. About the size of a quarter.

I a hot skillet over a medium heat cook the patties for 3-4 minutes each side. Turn heat off and pour the sauté back into the pan and toss well.

In a small bowl add butter and cheese mix well and spread over bread slices.

Arrange on a cookie sheet and bake till golden brown about 7-10 minutes.

Remove from oven and place a serving tray.

Spoon tomatoes and sausage on to bread slices and serve.

Hot Wings Baby

2lb Chicken Wings (7-9 Count)

32oz Vegetable Oil

S&P

2 Cups Franks Red Sauce

2 Cups Butter

2 tbls Dark Brown Sugar

4 tbls Cayenne Pepper

SAUCE

In a small sauce pot, over a low fire add Franks Red Sauce, Butter, Sugar and Cayenne stirring constantly for about 5 minutes. DON’T BOIL low and slow for best results.

Pour into bowl and cool on counter.  Store in fridge. Mix well before using.

CHICKEN

Preheat oven to 450.

In a large bowl add chicken wings and a splash of oil. Toss well so all wings are coated.

On a foiled cookie sheet arrange chicken wings 1 inch apart.

Bake for 8 minutes.

Remove sheet and flip all the wings and bake for another 8 minutes or till juices run clear and the wing are all plump and sexy.

Remove sheet and let cool on counter for 20 minutes.

Place wings in a container and let cool in the fridge for 1 hour. This is key to juicy wings.

In Dutch oven or large pot heat oil to 375.

Drop wings in oil and fry for 7 minutes.

Remove from oil to wire rack and hit it with some S&P.

Toss in sauce!

Tip: More cayenne more heat-more sugar more sweet.

Cilantro and Papaya Bisque

1/4 cup olive oil
1 cup Maui onion diced
2 tablespoons garlic, chopped
2 tablespoons ginger, chopped
1 teaspoon fresh thyme chopped
5 cups Cilantro, chopped
4 cups ripe papaya, peeled and seeded
1 cup white wine
8 cups chicken stock
3 tablespoons roux (3 tablespoons of melted butter mixed with 3 tablespoons of flour)
1 cup heavy whipping cream

Sautee Maui onions, ginger, garlic and thyme in Olive Oil until onions are translucent.

Add the cilantro and sauté for one minute then add the papaya and wine.

Simmer for another minute or so then add the stock and bring to a simmer.

Pour into a blender and puree.

Back into the pot, add cream and bring to a simmer then add the roux, whisk well and simmer for five minutes.

Strain.

Season to taste with salt and black pepper.

Serve!

Poblano and Steak Stew

2 pounds Chuck Steak cut into cubes.

4 Poblanos (2 chopped, 2 roasted and pealed)

3 medium potatoes

Vegetable oil

Water

Worcestershire sauce

2 cloves garlic chopped

2 bay leaves

1 medium onion, sliced

S&P

1 tsp paprika

1 tsp allspice

3 large carrots peeled and chopped

3 ribs celery chopped

In a hot Dutch Oven add oil and beef then cook till the beef has a nice color all around, about 5-7 minutes.

Add onions and fresh peppers and turn with beef, stirring till peppers and onions look sexy, about 4-6 minutes.

Add Worcestershire and toss everything till just coated coated.

Add water till 1 inch over meat, garlic, bay leaves, paprika, and allspice. Stir the pot till all the components have been married well.

Cover and simmer 1 1/2 hours.

Remove bay leaves. Add carrots and celery. Cook covered 30 minutes longer.

For thicker stew dissolve 2 tbls of flour in 1 cup of very hot water and add it with the potatoes!

BigDog upgrade: Add 2 Habaneros, 1/2 lb. of bacon....

Anaheim Scramble

6 Eggs

2 Anaheim Pepper skinned, seeded and roasted

1 clove garlic minced 

1 small yellow onion diced

Olive Oil

2 Roma tomatoes diced 

1 tbls sour cream

2 tbls chives chopped

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp onion powder

S&P

2 tbls butter

Heat pan to medium.

Add onion and sauté till just browning.

Add peppers and garlic and sauté till peppers are just done. Remove and place in covered bowl.

Mix eggs with all powders s&p

Pop butter in pan heat till just melted. Add eggs. Scramble is you would normally. Half way done add peppers and onion mix. Toss lightly.

When eggs are done turn off heat and add sour cream toss till coated well and there is just a creamy coating on the eggs and bottom of the pan.

Finish with tomatoes and chives. Serve!

Anaheim Chili Verde

1 ½ pound of tomatillos. Peeled, washed and Roasted

5 garlic cloves. Roasted.

5 Anaheim peppers. Skinned, seeded and Roasted

1 bunch of cilantro

3 -4 pounds pork shoulder cut into cubes

1 large yellow onion diced

1 tbls dried oregano

1 tbls allspice

2 ½ cups of chicken stock

1 tbls chicken bouillon (Knorr)

You’re going to need a blender to get it right.

Add tomatillos, garlic, peppers, cilantro, bouillon, allspice, oregano and 1 cup of chicken stock, to a blender blend low till smooth.

Pour into a sauce pot and heat ill it just starts to bubble then reduce heat and cover.

In a large hot skillet add oil. Drop pork and salt and pepper generously. DON’T SHAKE OR MIX! Leave It alone for about 3 minutes, let the color develop, it’s key to the deep rich flavor. After the 3 minutes toss and cook for 3 more minutes.

Add onion and saute for 2-3 minutes.

Add 1 cup of chicken stock and with a spoon scape all the goodness off the bottom of the pan.

Add the pepper blend and stir over medium heat. Use a whisk and blend everything together . Cook uncovered over low heat for 1 ½ hours. Stirring once in a while making sure the bottom doesn’t burn. Keep the ½ cup of chicken stock on the side as Verde will cook down. Add as needed. Its done when the pork is tender.

Serve!

Marxist Panda

Navigating the Panda Express steam counter seems to be straight forward and rather simple, I’m here to tell you my friends, the madness is deep, fraught with deception and glazed in an orange sauce. 

They want you to think that you have choices. That you have certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Fried Rice, Chow Mein or half in half if that constitutes your pursuit of Happiness. That you are free to build your meal as you see fit.  Even if you go with the never fluffy white rice and unseasoned vegetables. The choice is yours, so it seems….

Have you ever wondered why they ask you to order your entire plate without looking at the food?

Simply put, Gastrocommunism.

“Welcome to Panda Express can I force you into choices with my subliminal way of making you feel like you are holding up the line?”

Shit Mihn, can I have a second to ingest my surroundings, I’m still recovering from the snail trail of stench peeling off  the 300 pound woman in front of me.

Why are there 12 pans but only 4 items available? Why is the menu board so big, but no items are listed? Why are there fake vegetables in a clear cooler door? Why does my server look like Rocky? (Not the boxer)

I could go on, I could name names, but I won’t. Being blacklisted is not on the menu. I could tell you a story of Hop Sing and a copy of The Daily Worker, but Ms. Benes and Oogway would make big trouble in little China for me, so I digress.

Why do they do this?

The answer is rather simple. You are Bovine Americanus, fattened on the Demopublican teat, filled with lie flavored Tea. You are workers bees in an economic hive, built on opiate-black fame-honey ipollen.  Your greed and need for NOW leads you down a flavor injected, pseudo cuisine highway patrolled by a fried chicken swingin’ dollar burger pushin’ trans fat hustling pimp. Pre-fab pre-frozen pre-cooked and for an extra few bucks they will eat it, digest it and shit for you!

So,  being the Good Shepherd I am, I have decided to school you pups on how to get the most bang for your buck with a few helpful strategies’ for you to use the next time you confront, the communist planted Express Cell known as Panda.

• Always order Togo. Doing otherwise will reduce you plate by 20%. This is a scientific fact.
• Always order the 3 item plate. Nothing reheats better than Chinese food.
• If going half and half, always tell them rice first, then, in mid scoop say half and half. This will give you maximum rice and Chow Mein as Chow Mein first will fill your section leaving you with barley one scoop of rice on top and slightly to the side.
• Item order is essential. Large to small with no exceptions.
• Learn to recognize food size e.g. Beef & Broccoli is large because the broccoli heads take up space. Whereas Kung Pao is small, because of the diced prep.  By ordering the B&B first and the Kung Pao last. The Kung Pao will be served in the side box maximizing the volume.
• Never fall for the egg roll or the battered shrimp. They are greasy and if you look, there is no egg in the roll and the shrimp is 1/16 the size of the batter.
• Always ask for more chili sauce and soy no matter how much they initially give you. (This is part of my Give up the sauce movement)

Now for the Review:

Parking:  4 BONES.  Ample parking with 2 handicap spots. No complaints here.

Service: 1 BONE. Way too nice.  Call me mild grump, maybe like the Grinch if he smoked herb, but I like my servers to smile and serve, that’s it. Too much teeth and yes sir no sir can get a bit nauseating.

Price: 2 BONES. Follow my tips and you can feed 2 people for under $8.

Food: 2 BONES. For what it is, it’s good, for that same reason I can’t give it 4. Find a Panda Inn just sayin’.

Big Dogs Final Bite: 2.25 BONES. You can’t expect much from fast food, but you can expect to get your money worth and decent service.  Panda Express fails, but it’s not an epic fail. Go in with low expectations and walk out happy every time!